


Fatalities

by Nears_my_boytoy



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Depressing, Highschool AU, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide, my poor attempt trying to write about someone blaming themselves after death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-04-28 11:06:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5088338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nears_my_boytoy/pseuds/Nears_my_boytoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was how the relationship ended, abruptly, painfully, unexpectedly. How could someone so bright and happy have been in so much pain? More importantly, how could he have not noticed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fatalities

**Author's Note:**

> Let's just establish one thing, I'm a horrible person. Alright, please don't kill me after reading this.
> 
> Also, if you want to make this super freaking depressing, I'll give a list of songs that kind of fit the story and also ones that I was listening to while writing this. 
> 
> Ghost of you - Good Charlotte  
> Broken - Seether ft Amy Lee  
> Slipped Away - Avril Lavigne  
> You Found me - The Fray  
> When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne  
> My Immortal - Evanescence  
> Wish you were here - Avril Lavigne (It seems I really like Avril Lavigne)  
> Angel - Sarah McLachlan  
> Lucy - Skillet  
> Would it Matter - Skillet  
> Everything goes Black - Skillet  
> Goodbye - Avril Lavigne (Again with her)
> 
> If you do decide to look these up, I'm sure this fanfic will be much more painful. Sorry!

Sho never would have guessed, in a million light years, that this was how the relationship between him and Shusei Kagari would end. Never had he thought that there were any secrets between them. Ultimately though, he'd been wrong. So, so very wrong. 

 

The relationship had been smooth sailing since they first met in the 10th grade, Sho being shy and unsociable, while Kagari was a complete social butterfly who never seemed to stop laughing about anything and everything. Opposites attract, as they say, and there didn't need to be any verbal communication that they were certainly attracted to one another. 

All of Kagari's friends (Sho having a lack of) supported their relationship, routed for it, even. Sho's support came from an online community, a community full of people he'd met over a website named Tumblr. Sho had once mentioned to Kagari about the particular website while they were watching movies one night, Kagari grabbing popcorn eagerly from the bowl positioned between the two of them, seeming especially fascinated by the description of the website. Though when he'd asked him for his blog name, he'd denied him the information. He didn't intend on Kagari finding out just how much Sho blogged about him. It seemed that Kagari had since had a similar train of thought. 

The night that Kagari wasn't answering his phone wasn't the least bit concerning to Sho. He did this often, he was probably busy playing video games. Sho didn't make an effort to text him more than twice, not wanting to interrupt him or seem clingy, even though Kagari had told him multiple times he would never be an interruption. Still, Sho went to sleep at 12:28 that night, after blogging his usual giddy words about his first and only love, to which multiple other accounts replied back to him with only good responses. 

When he awoke in the morning, around 10:52, it still wasn't the unusual thing that his boyfriend still hasn't texted him back. He was most likely distracted, though when the thought that Kagari was usually up before 9 in the morning entered his mind, concern flooded him for a moment. He pushed it back however, not wanting to worry about something that wasn't a big deal. He did it often, after all, and it was Kagari who had more or less taught him to "chill out," as he'd put it. 

Reading the responses from his online followers on Tumblr distracted him for awhile, paying no attention to his cellphone for the next few hours, going as far as to hide it, as to not worry. 

Since it was the weekend, Kagari was most likely binging on gameplay and just forgot his phone somewhere, or wasn't paying attention. That's what Hinakawa told himself, until it was Sunday, and still no word from his ginger love interest. 

Even Akane and Yayoi, who rarely texted him about the likes of Kagari, were asking him if he'd heard from him. Apparently none of his social media sites had been updated with the usual quirky status update for the past 3 days, which was snidely unusual. 

Sho of coarse had to text the both of them back saying he hadn't heard from him, which in turn resulted in a strong feeling of shame taking over him. It was obvious to him, and everyone else, that if Sho hadn't heard from him, there was something seriously wrong. 

Still not wishing to jump to drastic conclusions, he simply called his boyfriend's number, knowing that his ringtone would surely draw his attention, if not anything else. After 3 rings, he was met with his voicemail, causing the deep feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach to grow ever wider. 

He decided eating might help his stomach feel better. Perhaps Kagari's phone was dead and he'd lost the charger. That seemed entirely plausible, given that Kagari was so forgetful most of the time. After making himself some lunch, he decided to check Kagari's social media once again. Still no status updates. 

By this time Sho simply couldn't help but to be extremely worried. Kagari's replies were usually very fast, and if not then he was distracted. But it was unlike him to be distracted from his phone for 3 whole days. 

'I'm dropping by.' He texted Kagari again, but upon sending it, his theory of Kagari's phone being dead went out the window. Under the blue message bubble, it read "delivered," meaning Kagari's phone was alive and running and receiving text messages. As well as calls. Something was seriously wrong. 

Sho swiped his coat from the coat rack hurriedly, managing to trip over his shoes as he rushed out the door. Now the seemingly endless pit of anxiety writhing in his stomach was making itself more noticeable, impossible to ignore. He prayed to a higher power as he ran through the frost covered gravel that Kagari was really just distracted, and nothing bad has happened to him. But doubt was a merciless being that made him sprint even more urgently.

The door was unlocked. 

The house was soundless. 

There were no dirty dishes. 

Everything screamed Red Flag to Sho, panting heavily as he scanned the household, quickly, his feet never ceasing to urgently speed walk up the stairs to his love's room. 

He didn't bother making his arival known, opening the door to find it locked. 

He knocked, but no answer was given. He knocked again, louder, and again and again despite the feeling in his gut that he was certain was correct now. Nobody was going to answer. 

He paced nervously, his heavy breathing echoing through the silent walls, which currently seemed as though they would close in on him. 

A panic attack was in order, he could feel it coming, though somehow managing to fish out one of Kagari's hair pins from his pocket, inserting the end of it into the doorknob with his shaky fingers. 

"Please..." He muttered, his teeth clamped together in both fear and concentration, finally hearing the click that should have been gratifying had the situation not been so dire. 

He swung the door open, looking to where he knew the bed was, but Kagari wasn't there. There was no noise of video games, no snores. Only silence. No, what he was searching for was at the corner of the room, near the closet. 

He closed his eyes, as if denying the sight before him would somehow make it cease to further exist. The bile along with the choked whimper rose in this throat, one leaving his mouth and one catching before it could make its release, the contents of what did escape splattering all over the carpet. 

He choked, forcing his eyes open to clarify just what he'd seen. His eyes weren't playing tricks on him, he was there. Kagari. Laying on the floor, his status unknown although Sho was unfortunately sure he already knew. 

He wordlessly stumbled over the the lifeless body, feeling sick to his stomach. His vision was blurred, dizzy, though the tears in his eyes were a strong contribution. He took Kagari's body in his arms, his body being as light as it had ever been. No, it wasn't really Kagari now, was it? It was just his vessel. Kagari was no more. 

"S-shusei..." Sho whispered, his voice choking with emotion he'd never wished he would ever feel nor comprehend. His tears fell upon Kagari's face, hitting his eyelids, cheeks, lip. His bodily fluids didn't make him look any more alive, because he wasn't. 

Although he wanted to, Sho couldn't say anything more, though he wondered what would be the point of it anyhow, addressing a dead person. 

It was said that if someone you love dies unexpectedly, your shock often results in denial, a firm belief that said person wasn't actually dead. This was not the case for Sho. He was fully aware that his love was dead, he felt no denial, only confusion, sickness and pain. 

The worst part of it all was taking in the appearance of which Kagari had left the world in. His hair was sticky with sweat, clumps formed in the rats nest of what was called his hair. He was laying in a small pool of blood, but Sho wasn't sure where the blood had came from, and had no desire to go prodding around his dead body to find out. But worst of all, the evidence stating the bleeding was not what caused the young ginger's death. Around him lay 4 pill bottles, and not one stray pill amoungst them. He'd taken them all, clearly making sure he wouldn't survive it. He'd committed his own murder. Suicide. 

Sho felt pressingly more disgusted, thinking about Kagari killing himself. He wanted it to be over, he wished he could stop smellig the dried blood on the floor. All he could manage to think was; why?  
Why Shusei, why?

A vibrating sound at the far end of the room interrupted his sorrow, making him jump slightly. He stood up, slowly, wobbling from dizziness. At the far corner of the room, on the desk beside the bed was Kagari's phone, buzzing from a new message. 

Sho reached for the mobile device, reminded that he would now need to call in the police and tell them how he'd found his boyfriend. Dead. 

His mind was blocked of all rational thought as he began selecting some of Kagari's favourite things, stuffing them in his arms for the cold and lonely trip home. These were the only things of him he would have left, a poor substitute to hold when Kagari's living body was no more. He found himself wishing he'd cuddled him more when he was still alive, loved him better, perhaps. Showed his affections better. All Sho's mind could muster now was; 'What did I do wrong?'  
What was it exactly that he didn't do right? What he done wrong to make Kagari want to kill himself?  
He couldn't understand, didn't want to, frankly. He figured that if he could have a chance to ask Kagari why he did it and get the complete honest answer, he wouldn't want to.

The next few days could be considered as hell, but not as in endless flames and pain, although there was certainly pain involved. It was the searing pain that you felt from the moment you woke up, if you even slept at all, to the moment you fell asleep, even invading your dreams, reminding you just how painful everything could be. It was a pain that could be described as numbness, but you were still conscious of it, always. It never left, neither did that burning imagine in your head. The pain that drove you to the point of wishing you were in actual hell, wishing to experience that pain rather than this pain. 

He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. What could he do other than think, and he even denied himself the simple actions of his own thoughts. 

Kagari's funeral was next Wednesday. This week was ultimately just preparation, crying his eyes out now instead of in front of everyone there. And even then he sincerely doubted it was avoidable. 

The bitter thoughts had come to him last, after the sorrowful ones, guilty ones and slightly angry ones. Now that he was growing tired of crying, he couldn't help but think; 'Does he even deserve my tears?'  
But he decided that yes, he did. After all, he had pretended to be happy for so long, it was only fair that Sho could cry for him the only time he wasn't happy. That was what he had concluded, that was the only reason he could think for Kagari to want to end his own life, other than the theories that just blamed himself for it all, but that was no fun for him not his followers to listen to. 

Ever since he'd found Kagari dead in his room, his blog updates had been a roller coaster of different emotions, to which his followers were endlessly supportive, but over awhile there were less and less replies. Eventually, people get tired of you being sad. 

Kagari's phone still beeped from time to time from notifications from various things, but Sho couldn't find it in himself to check them, much less even touch his phone. Until he received an anonymous message on Tumblr, that is. 

He'd discovered a rather dark and depressing edge of Tumblr, and although it wasn't unknown to him, he'd started reblogging a lot of the stuff he found in that corner of the website. Sad pictures, quotes, depressing and angsty updates to match how he felt, how he felt that he would always feel. Though in the midst of all these depressing posts, he'd decided to write a post about Kagari and everything he loved/missed and remembered about him, as if it were a way to let him go, even if he knew he would never be able to. 

Then, an anonymous account had messaged him out of the blue, and it had gone all downhill from there on out. 

"I'm sorry to bother you, but the person you were talking about sounds a lot like this person, and I'm not sure if they're the same person but if it is maybe you can find out why he did it, hope this helped~" the message had read, along with the account tagging another account, which by the name, looked to be a rather depressing blog. Nevertheless though, he clicked on it, unaware of just what he would find.

The blog was indeed a depressing one, containing even more graphic pictures than the ones Sho blogged, the last activity on the blog was on Friday. As he scrolled down through the account, he didn't want to believe that these images of slit wrists and painful quotes of sadness and loneliness belonged to his once boyfriend, but as he read the personal posts the admin had made to the account, he couldn't deny the obvious truth that this account was Kagari's.

He regretted ever telling him about the website, he regretted even having an account, posting the kinds of things that had ultimately led Kagari to his death. He couldn't help but blame himself, if he had found this account earlier, if he had paid more attention...

'It's all my fault...'

Tears flooded Sho's vision, though he angrily wiped them away with his sleeve, wanting to dig deeper into this account to find out what exactly Kagari had suffered from that he hadn't told anyone about, not even him. But he was already regretting this decision as he scrolled through the account. 

Continuing to read the sad and rather eye opening posts, Sho wished he could stab himself in the chest, to better a pain that was already there, that undeniably hurt more than physical pain ever could. 

Eventually, he scrolled down to find a picture that was not like the others. It was a picture of a male torso, it looked to be taken by a mobile device, and it only had 3 notes, which meant it hadn't been reblogged much, if not at all. The room behind the body looked familiar, and with a overpowering feeling of painful realization, he realized it was taken in Kagari's own room. Sho had never seen him without a shirt in the year that they had been dating for, but this was what he imagined he would look like underneath, and he had no doubt that it was him. Though the heartbreaking part wasn't so much that Kagari was taking exclusive pictures of himself and posting it on the Internet, it was the deep gashes visible on his hips and a few on his stomach. They were not yet healed, though they weren't bleeding either. It was obvious they'd been inflicted the night before he'd taken the picture and posted it. 

There were visible signs of older scars under the new inflicted ones, millions of them, it seemed. Tears blurred Sho's vision even more as he thought about it, his love gliding a sharp object along his skin, completely acceptant of the pain it caused. Although Sho had certainly been depressed in his life, he hadn't taken to self harm before. Rather a drug addiction, but the very person who lit up his life after that time couldn't seem to be able to light up his own life. And now he was gone. 

It hurt beyond comprehension to simply continue scrolling, and Sho willed himself to stop every passing second, but he hadn't found the information he was looking for. He'd discovered Kagari was clearly broken and depressed, and he took to means to cut himself, but he still didn't know why. And frankly, he was timid to find out the reason why. He wasn't even sure he really wanted to know. Maybe he should just stop scrolling and somehow have the account deleted, leaving Kagari to rest in peace and never know why exactly he had done it or what caused his excessive pain. Despite the thick sickness residing inside his body, he kept scrolling, curiosity and a restless need for answers entirely overpowering.

A hand sharply covered his mouth, which would be considered a reaction for shock, although he wasn't shocked, rather just disgusted. As he scrolled, pages upon pages of anonymous messages came up to which Kagari had answered, and almost all of the messages were hateful, things like "Your complaining all the time is just annoying, just go kill yourself" or "I'm sure the reason people think your annoying is because you are" and even worse; "The world would probably be a better place without you." For the most part, Kagari had replied with replies that seemed as if he didn't care about what these people were saying to him, it almost seemed as if he was laughing them off completely. But Sho knew better, or else Kagari wouldn't be dead. 

He was starting to get a pretty good idea of why Kagari was as depressed as he was, though he'd been posting depressing pictures and statuses before the majority of the hateful anon messages, so what had been his reason to start up this account in the first place?

When Sho finally reached the very bottom of the posts, he felt very empty and unfulfilled from his mission. He then noticed a section of the side bar on the blog's main page that seemed to list all "personal" posts, much like his own Tumblr page, although he had a feeling these personal posts would be far more different than the ones he tended to post to his blog. 

Clicking on the option, he found he was biting the skin around his nails roughly as he waited anxiously. Since Kagari's death, he'd practically butchered the skin on all his fingers. It was a habit he'd picked up due to his extreme anxiety, but it had never been nearly as bad as it was after he'd discovered his dead boyfriend. The page loaded, and Sho began to scroll again through a list of personal thoughts and ramblings.

'I feel as if my life is just a burden within itself. All I've ever managed to do is embaress myself and others and constantly annoy everyone. Sure, I have friends, but I'm sure they're all just secretly annoyed with me and only friends with me out of pity. The only light of my life is my boyfriend, but I feel like I'm even annoying him. He's so shy and quiet, which isn't an issue, it makes him cute, but it means I never know what he's thinking. I wouldn't be surprised he was just dating me out of pity too. I hate that I have to burden them and anyone reading this with my existence.'

A shaky hand scrolled down the page, tears spilling onto the keyboard though the person shedding them gave no mind, his clouded eyes glued to the screen.

The next few entries were almost exactly like the first one, though some explained about the bullies harassing him from school online (which Sho hadn't known about until now), how his father was never home and didn't seem to want anything to do with him when he was home, and worst of all, the thoughts that Kagari had had about himself. Those had to be the most heartbreaking, by far. 

"Stupid..." Sho murmured, slightly surprised by just how much his voice sounded unused. It came out raspy, his emotions thick from his vocal cords. All the time he'd spent in his room, in isolation, never once had he used his voice, the only sounds from his mouth were uncontrollable sobs and violent hiccups thereafter. 

He found that he wasn't talking to himself, but rather Kagari, though he knew it was pointless. He could almost hear Kagari's response to such a statement. "Sho, I've never heard you say such things! Are you sick or somethin'?" Of coarse the response was sarcastic and teasing, something the now dead Kagari couldn't provide anymore. This fact alone could make Sho convulse on the floor from pure painful emotion and longing, which he had done before then. 

How could Kagari have thought for so long that people only liked him out of pity?! What kind of mindset was that? Did he not see that the only motivation Sho had to wake up every morning was Kagari? That the only reason he ever smiled was because of the jokes Kagari cracked out of the blue? The reason he dated him was because he loved him! He loved his random jokes and cute smiles and outbursts having nothing to do with what they'd been talking about, and the way he rolled up his sleeves as if to be cool or authoritative though he knew he wasn't fooling anybody. He just loved him, still did, there was no pity involved in it, none. He'd taken a chance dating somebody, especially someone as flamboyant as Kagari, and ended up falling for him. So how could he possibly think he didn't love him?

But...

He'd never actually told him, either. 

All of these things, everything Sho felt about him, he'd never told him. Directly, that is. Through his actions and how he looked at him, certainly, but the verbal communication had been lacking.

It was his fault. 

Sho didn't know how to feel, what to do after reading these, and was about to slam his computer screen down and return to his bed and smooth sheets that were less than little comfort, until he noticed an entry had been posted on Friday, the last day Kagari had been alive. He immediately clicked on it, feeling the reoccuring sickness swirling inside him as he waited, not sure what he would end up reading, but almost felt as if Kagari was with him, looking over his shoulder like he always did when he was on his laptop like this, ready to read his very last words to him. The page loaded, revealing the words written to the world in Kagari's last minutes. He imagined him reading the words softly into his ear, petting his hair like he would usually do, though this time it was painful rather than uncomfortable. Sometimes Kagari would do annoying things, but his existence was in no way annoying, and Sho cried reading the words, blaming himself for the fact that Kagari hadn't known this very fact.

'I'm sorry world. First off, I'm truly sorry for existing. Second off, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, but not sorry to you, sorry to the person I used for happiness during my time here. Sho, I'm sorry for this. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, and I hate myself for it, but I can't do it anymore. I can't live on knowing I'm holding you down. You deserve so much better, you can do so many great things with your life, I'm excited for you to figure them out. I hope you can get over this, and if you ever end up reading this post, or finding this account, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to see and read it all. I hope you can understand what I'm doing is for your own good, the good of everyone. Even if it isn't returned, Sho, I love you. Thanks for being with me, I'll love you forever.'

 

The funeral was undoubtably more painful that the death itself. Though Sho was the only person to actually witness the dead Kagari, the funeral was a means for everyone to fully admit that Kagari was dead. It was dreadful to dress in your fanciest black clothes for an occasion you dreaded and knew that you would ruin your clothes with tear stains anyhow. It was more difficult to get out of bed than it was before, there was no motivation anymore, just a heavy weight of the undenyable truth that your motivation no longer existed and neither did your feelings of happiness. Gone, yet still felt heavily on your entire body and demeanour. 

Of course Sho had made a speech, against his many inner protests. It was small and simple, unwritten beforehand. The various panic attacks he'd had before then made much more unbearable by the pain and heartbreak he experienced on top of it. It was the usual "He was such a good person, we never saw it coming, we miss his smile and he'll be missed forever." But it was pure nonsense. Of course all these things were true, but not what Sho would have said if he'd had absolute freedom of his speech. He wanted to ask the real questions. "Why'd he do it? Did he think about what would happen to the rest of us?" But more importantly, "How was it that he was considering ending his own life, and none of us cared enough to notice?" 

But no, not one single person said what Sho knew everyone was thinking. It was meant to be a happy remembrance for the happy-go-lucky person they knew, not the person they'd only discovered recently. It was a person everyone, including Sho would like to forget. Pretend he never existed. But the fact at hand was that he did, and nobody had met him, knew he existed until it was too late and he'd taken the life of their beloved Shusei Kagari. 

After the funeral ended, after tears stopped streaming, including his own, there was just simple conversation, people circled around one another to make small talk to attempt to rub off the overbearing sadness everyone had just felt and witnessed. Though Sho had no intention of sticking around to make tribute to the tribal small talk

He couldn't stand by and witness it. The way everyone stood in small groups and began chatting like it was a regular occasion. How could they just act like nothing had happened? Like nobody had died?

Snow crunched under Sho's converse as he briskly walked, the converse that used to belong to Kagari. Though it was incredibly cold and currently snowing, Sho couldn't find himself wearing anything but the converse, opposed to the snow boots that would undoubtably be more convenient in the cold weather. Every and any memory of Kagari he had, he would take full advantage of. The Pokemon scarf that had almost every Pokemon patterned on the material that was incredibly dorky and barely worn before, but now Sho wore it with absolutely everything. It still smelled like him, the patch of hair on his neck that smelled slightly different from his regular shampoo smelling hair, which he always forgot to wash in the shower. Now Sho savoured that scent. It was the last of him. 

The yellow tape blocking Kagari's house was no longer there, taken down weeks ago. The death was a confirmed suicide, there was no reasoning to treat it as some kind of crime. Sho had gone into his room and taken many belongings of his, that were now considered keepsakes. Nobody had ever come after him for it, and why would it even have a slight possibility of happening, his father was never home anyways. Sho couldn't help the resentment. If his father were home, could he have stopped it?

The footsteps echoing on the snow were quick, rushed, though without much reasoning. All Sho had was time. He was re living the day every time he walked outside on the familiar path to the house he once was delighted in visiting. Always walking quickly. If he walked quickly, could he stop it like he failed to the first time?

The rage he'd ensued on his Tumblr blog echoed through his mind day by day. The beat of his emotions matching with the quick steps he took in the ground, like crippling, beautiful music that left you with an empty feeling after hearing it. 

"How could you have let this happen?! Because of you, anon, he's dead. You know what that means, don't you? You fucking killed somebody! You killed somebody that out of anyone in the world, didn't deserve to die, yet he wanted to, day by day, because of you! Why would you do this to him? To me? To everyone who cared about him. I hope you burn in hell for what you've done to him. And I hope it kills you every day with the reminder that someone so precious is now dead because of you. Now, two people. I hope you've learned your lesson. I hope you die. I want you to die. Don't meet up with us when you do." 

The message had been hurriedly written to Kagari's now unused blog, with the strong intention all the anons got the message. Sho couldn't live knowing the bastards behind the various hateful messages behind their computer screens were going on living with no regret and no pain thinking about what they'd done. 

The door was easy accessible, as usual. Nobody was home. Nobody ever was. Nobody would see him go. 

It was as if he climbed the stairs blind, his vision only fixed on the task at hand. He couldn't see anything but Kagari's smile and could only feel how eager he was to see it again. Only a matter of time. 

His bed was the same as always, but now empty. The smell was not a smell that was regular anymore, it was a lingering one that Sho knew would fade away eventually, much like the memory of Kagari eventually would. He was conscious of it. Someday he might've forgotten him. How could he not have? How else would the human brain possibly deal with the memory when you knew it was all your fault in the first place. 

He didn't feel the tears until they were soaking into the soft blankets under his cheek, the blankets and sheets laying unused and a sample of a painful memory. They used to play video games on this bed...

Sho felt his body heave, as if all the memories were coming back at once and painfully entering his body, like a physical being. There was no pain greater than this, not even the pain he felt finding Kagari dead could compare to the aftertaste. 

He opened the bottle with his eyes closed, completely yet not fully unwilling to open his eyes. The cap twisted off, and he could almost smell the aroma. The aroma that would be him as he passed on. It smelled different from his physical, living being. Not dead, but certainly not alive. 

"Don't do it." He could hear Kagari whisper, pain lacing his voice, as if he were watching at the very moment. And Sho might have believed it, if he had felt something, anything touch him like the way Kagari used to. But there was nothing, and so a regretful hand downed the bottle, pouring the lumps of medicated painkillers down his throat. He wanted to die here, in Kagari's bed where he belonged. Where they both belonged. 

He didn't realize he was choking, throwing up the contents until he felt the sharp burning in his stomach. Yes, this was supposed to happen. They were going to burn him up from the inside, but he wasn't supposed to spill the contents from his stomach. He heard screaming. Frantic screaming, crying. Was somebody shoving something down his throat?

He coughed, opening his eyes and seeing the spilled contents all over the blankets. He cried, screamed, kicked against the arms embracing him, holding him steady. He'd ruined the blankets, they'd have to be washed. They'd wash the memories out of them. 

"No! Let me go! Don't take him away! Don't take him away from me! Please! I need him! I need to..."

He trailed off, more poison ripping through his stomach and out of his mouth. He could feel the tears streaming and his heart beating, reminding him he was still alive. Why was he still alive? Why?!

Amidst his own choking and sobbing sounds, he still heard crying. Someone was hugging him. Who was it? His vision adjusted, black hair. He could feel it on his cheek. Yayoi.

The one speaking was Kougami, he realized. Yayoi was crying. He could see Akane at the corner of the room, speaking urgently to someone. He saw ginger hair. 

He lost it. 

He tried to stand up, startling Yayoi and immediately collapsing soon after. He was dizzy, his vision blurred again, and then suddenly all his senses were no more.

 

Sho opened his eyes, seeing white. Bright white. Of coarse, what else would he be seeing? He was obviously in the hospital. It wasn't like the movies where he had amnesia, he remembered everything as soon as his eyes opened. 

He hadn't realized his friends had followed him from the funeral. And he remembered the ginger hair he'd seen. The body was taller than Akane, by a longshot. Not like Kagari, who was only 3 inches taller. What had Kagari's father been doing there?

It then occurred to him that the police had most likely been contacted, and he'd been notified that something was happening at his house. It was only logical he'd rush to investigate the occurrence. 

"Please be okay. I'm so sorry, Sho, really." 

Sho would have ripped his head towards the direction of the voice had his head not been pounding. But even after several weeks of being dead, Sho would know that voice anywhere, any time. 

"Shusei." He said meekly, closing his eyes before turning his head, ensuring what he would see, whether there or not, was real.

Sure enough, the appearance of the ginger teen was making itself known beside the bed. His hair was as messy as ever, his figure standing over the bed, and his soft brown eyes held tears. 

"Hey, you're awake." He said, to Sho's utter astonishment. He smiled like he always did, but it seemed too heavenly. Too true.

"How did you...?" Sho began, his voice shaking and only then did he realize he was crying. He heard shuffling in the corner of the room and turned his head back to see the figure of Akane, hunched in a depressed looking state in a chair. He wondered why she hadn't taken notice that he'd woken yet.

Kagari shook his head, a half smirk taking up his handsome features, though the smile looked as if it was a sad smile, not the usual happy one. Then again, Sho had recently learned just how unhappy Kagari really was. Or had been. 

"You're astral projecting. I'm not alive." He said, his brown eyes fixing on him in the most desired way Sho had been wishing for since his death. 

Sho had heard the term "Astral Projection" before and knew what it meant, but he'd never imagined he could be able to do it. 

"And now you can finally see me." Kagari said, his eyes filling with tears as he smiled, something Sho thought he'd never see ever again, and was extremely glad to be seeing. 

As his joyful tears blurred his vision for the last time, he felt lighter than air as he heard his heart monitor flat line.


End file.
